Matt Leffler

Matthew 42:09 More results but no result

So an update on the health front. I got back Cortisol results, two tests taken 4 days apart. Each result was 12.5 pu/mL ... that seems odd to me but I think thats the top of their test ... as in Im higher than 12.5. See .3 is the beginning of normal with up to 5 as high. So 10 is twice the high...then 12.5 well thats I bet as high as it goes...and both were 12.5.

That means I have enough Cortisol in my blood for say 40 people? 10x.3=3 x 4 = 12. Ya so a little over 40 people.

And that was not one test but 2 days apart. Cortisol is a stress hormone but it can also be an indication of an ACTH secreting (tells the addrenal gland to make Cortisol) tumor in the Pituitary Gland.

Taken those test together and my biopsy which ... 4 weeks later, no word on it still. (Its not generally good if it takes a month) but...I decided I probably should see an Endocrinologist in addition to my Dermatologist now.

Called one, they said they required a doctors referral. I shared that I had gone off and ordered these tests and was awaiting a biopsy... they said fax me the tests and Ill look at it. I sent my test results from the Low TSH, TS3, TS4 and Super High Cortisol and they called me back and scheduled me in. I think thats a sign ... when they see you without a referral.
Matt Leffler

42:08 Come on Republicans...lets get real

So I saw in a poll .... over 70% of Republicans don't believe Biden is a legitimate president.

Come on...first I want to point out there has not been a GOP president elected since George H W Bush that got the most votes in the election.   Seriously ... you guys want to talk about legitimate?  When you all can't get your guy into the White House without working the map and you can't retain control of legislation without gerrymandering the shit out of the districts ... and still lost control.

Judges appointed by Trump ... threw out the accusations on Biden and voting irregularities.  Not one, not two ... many.  Not one Judge appointed by Trump upheld the assertion that the election was not fair.  

In Georgia alone, the conspiracy to give that state to Biden had to have included the GOP Governor and GOP Secretary of State.  ( Quick note, GOP stands for Republican..figured I needed to mention it since Republicans are so ill informed on politics)  But the only thing that makes sense here is that Biden MUST have won that state because why would they give their state to Biden?  

And if they had given it to Biden, why did no Trump appointed judge find any merit in the allegations Trump made?  

So shut up.  Seriously.  You look stupid and you lost.  The only thing worse than losing is being a sore loser.  (But then you all haven't won since 1992 have you?  So thats just about on par for you.)

Matt Leffler

42:07 I may know how I die

No seriously.  So about three years ago I had a bee sting and I got hives, they lasted about 6 months.  Seriously, for six months I had hives ... everywhere.  About a month into the hives I developed erosions, or ulcers in the roof of my mouth, on my tongue, these extended down my throat and I couldn't eat or talk easily.  These lasted about 3 months.

During this time I saw a few doctors, I was given steroid shots, I thought I had a fungal infection called thrush, so got a prescription for fungal infections.  My doctors thought I had AIDS and tested me for HIV.  Negative.  They were so sure and baffled that they tested me 3 times, all negative.

I was taking hydrogen peroxide baths and gargling that everyday and after sometime everything disappeared.  My doctor ... still baffled said ... well its gone so no need to worry.  But ... was it?

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Matt Leffler

42:04 ? I think

So just a few sayings I keep hearing from myself lately....and they're good ones, so maybe I picked them up along the way and aren't mine...

...these are like fortune cookie level...

The only thing worse than making a bad investment is spending more resources on a bad investment.

If you make everything transactional don't get upset when you don't get anything for being empty handed.

Don't think telling me you're going to ignore me matters after I make a fuss about being ignored.  Six or half a dozen means the same.

I don't care if you buy crack or pay bills when you ask for cash.  Telling me how you're going to spend my money doesn't change the fact for me that I have less money.

If the fear of what others might think is the only reason why you are not doing something you want, then you have to do it.

Its better to regret what you've done then regret what you didn't do.

It's better to lose, betting on a friend, then to win, betting against a friend.

The secret to long relationships is learning to lose an argument.

And now for some really goof one liners from Neil Degauss Tyson

"Some people look for meaning in their life as though its going to be under a rock or behind a tree.  And I think to myself, you have more power than that.  You have the power to create meaning in your life, rather than passively look for it."


Matt Leffler

42:05 I'm sorry but you've mistaken me for someone else.

Tonight I was invited to go to a guys house and continue painting it while he was out.  I then was asked by another person if I had a couple hours tonight to hang out ... I assume just a couple cause he has plans after ... for his night.  I'm just waiting on the third guy of this 3 guy track that I've landed myself with to suggest we do something ... that underwhelms me and in my opinion devalues my company.  

Its not that I'm full of myself, but its also not that I have no better option than to be one guys house worker, anothers after thought and one more guy's plan B of the night.  

I've always tried to be honest and when I hang out with someone I try to make them feel like there is no one else in the world but them.  I think this has back fired and caused 3 guys to think I'm desperate and happy to accept any crumbs they toss.  

Fuck that.  I've told one ... I have better options.  I havent responded to the second and I think I am going to just preblock the third so my expectations aren't fulfilled.  

Its a solid fact that oversupply drives down the value of a commodity.  Diamonds .... do you know they are plentiful?   De Beers stock piled about 5 billion diamonds over the years to ensure they stayed a rare gem.  My point?  I think I need to go alittle De Beers on some people around here.


.... 2 hrs later I get a text from another of these guys.... are you busy?  Can you give me a ride to the store?  He doesnt live near me...he isnt asking me to go to the store....hes asking for a ride to the store.  I told him .... Lyft

Matt Leffler

42:04 I just needed to get out of there

Just in from my friend Daniel's place...very uneasy feeling like being held in a small enclosed space where its harder and harder to breathe and you cant see beyond a foot from your face and can only hear whats within the enclosed space.  I had a panic attack and I just needed to get out of there.

So I bolted.  I felt uneasy and unwelcome and in the way and I didn't want to talk or discuss the feelings I just wanted to get out of there, as far from there and him as possible.  Like a ghost whispering in your ear ... RUN

I dont know what but I felt there was something deceitful a foot and I made conjectures and nothing was definitive but Ive always told others ... if you feel it, you dont need anything more.  Dont prove something or try to investigate your thoughts ... this isnt a courtroom all that you need to do is follow your gut.

Mine said get the fuck out of here.  I even left my coat behind and tried to slip away undetected after looking for it and just finding more uneasy.  I think my trips over there are going to need to halt ... tonight proved rather uncomfortable.


Matt Leffler

42:03b The sociopath, the mouse and the house

Reeling still from the realization that I had been pushed aside by my roommates for one another I stayed mostly silent and focused on the house, and a mouse. 

The humane traps arrived and while I was worried that it could be too cold to release them into the wild I felt they had a better chance with me than at the average house.  Within an hour or two of placing the traps I was apparently the last to know we had caught our first mouse.

Its significant that I was last to know because I was only made aware after what I would call "torture" was handed down by my roommate to the caged animal.  He had been apparently gasing the frightened animal with stimulants in its cage and the other roommate Jared was laughing about this telling me.  I of course, being a normal human being (unlike Daniel) and mature (unlike Jared) went off in a tirade of yelling about how I went through the trouble of no kill traps NOT so they could subject the animals to what had to be terrorizing to the animal.

I told them in the future, before they did something to imagine telling what they were about to do to a 5th grader and to a high school senior.  If the 5th grader was more likely to think it was cool ... then dont do it.  

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Matt Leffler

42:03 You fool...you were right all along you just allowed your bias to blind ya.

So...theres a marketing rule ... Consuimers are creatures of habit.  They will pick the same brand even when presented with a superior and cheaper substitute about 2/3 of the time.  That is to say ... people make the same choice even the wrong one 66% of the time regardless of the options.  

With that noted ... another thing I say to folks....

When you catch your house keeper stealing from you... should you give her a second chance?  NO ... this isn't her first time it IS the first time you caught her.

Another thing I say ....

Don't allow yourself to think you are any more important to someone than anyone else in their life.  That is to say, if they do something to multiple people don't allow yourself to think ... but I'm different.  Are you really...Id warn you to not allow bias to affect your decisions.

Folks often give away what they hide...its almost a confession but they do it in a way that only makes sense when looking back.  

Daniel and I met a couple years ago, he stole my laptop on the second hook up.  But insurance covered it and I was intrigued enough to reply a year later when he messaged me again.  He was on the down and out sleeping on a smelly urine soaked carpet floor in nowhere Indiana, just out of jail and wearing an ankle braclet.  It was obvious he was setup for failure and would be going back to jail soon ... what did the world offer him to fit to be apart of it?    

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Matt Leffler

42:2 You're Life Is Just One In 80 Billion

Ever wonder how many people have ever lived?  When one thinks what will be left of me after I am gone, I think its worth noting what is left of anyone else who is already gone?  Some tombstones around but those are relatively recent.  Forget any 2000s thru 1800s.  With tombstones largely not around saying 512AD we are left with ruins, maybe songs or stories...discovery.  Thats basically all thats left but thats around for an extreme few.  Youre likely not a Christopher Columbus.

There have been about 80 Billion people born on this planet.  80,000,000,000 I'd go out on a limb and say that at best we have records and remember MAYBE 100,000,000 of them.  And I dont mean that you cant find more in census records, but I mean no one is looking for them.  That means you have a .12% ... not a 12% but a .12% chance of ever being remembered 300 or 500 years from now.

You're life is just one in 80 billion.  It is the definition of insignificant.  You are iorrelevant to the march of time... so ... relax.  Don't get all in a hurry those 5 minutes you'll save rushing to get to work are your five minutes.  Stop, breathe and know that here and now is all that matters and live happy, because of those 80 billion, 75 billion are dead and gone.

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Matt Leffler

42:03a What I learned from you

Daniel Scott is a person that generally can only last for about 3 months in anyone's life.  You see it in his jobs, his renting of offices, most of his relationships are all expired and spent within 90 days.  Thats how long most people give him before they realize the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

Im not like most people.  I'm head strong and overly confident in my ability to lead people to a different outcome than everyone else, including themselves expects.  What outcome would I have lead Daniel from?  Well...he has a 66% chance he will be in jail in 3 months...just...thats a cycle for him.  He does something epically