Then of course Sunday rolled around and I landed back at the bar where I turned down going home with a guy I kinda like but cause of the words he used in presenting the whole idea to me. He asked if I wanted to cuddle and sleep at his house....which....is sweet....course...he is living at his exes....but when we look past that...he said "I just want to cuddle with someone." I was like.....someone? Someone could be anyone. And I am not that generic. So...the conversation went sour and I went off and got another guys number and got up this morning... alone of course...but to 7 text messages trying to explain stuff about how someone wasnt anyone...and yadda yadda. I do also recall dancing on the box at one point Sunday night....and some guy...kissing me but it took me a second to realize what was happening...anyhow..crazy. Greg said it was "Brave" of me to not bend to the guy who wanted someone...lol...said since I had dated Brent I'd kinda lost my ego...and it was kinda funny to see it back. My ego. Ha! Anyhow...just got a text also from a guy I've known forever but we've never really talked...he is cute, my age...looks younger...so I figured I'd tell him that apparently after we date enough people and get dumped we were gonna be husbands...that was prolly a tad of my drinking...but he is cute and hey...he is my age. So we are supposed to hangout sometime this week.
I sat there this morning talking to my doctor...he asked when Brent gets back...( the Dr. is gay and seems to serve as my mental health advisor ) I told him the number of hours....he stepped back and was like...your waiting for him arent you? I really think you need to start seeing a psychologist and break from this whole thing...i was like...buddy...I'm not waiting...but you also can't break away from someone and not remember the important day you looked for the past several months. But I know...it doesnt always come back around to him...I am honestly making strides. I have my confidence back, my self image improved with the job, apartment and slimming figure. It takes a bit of time and self reflection. I do know...that I am at least... Happy and hopefull