Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

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36:21 Unique look

So I was reading the newsletter for work and noticed some keynote speaker was a "certified life coach." :-) What the heck is that? And ... certified by who? Norton paid this lady with the last name Moran (moron) who has no formal education really...who is remarried with her son's living in another country and her daughter who has decided to start going by a new name "Adair". ? :-) Yeap...she is a keynote I am sure. Then magically I found a daily show skit about Life Coaches. Showed it to a few people here....it basically says a life coach is an expensive friend with limited credentials who has hands. Stupid...especially since she was paid to do this speech. Anyhow...

So I am backing off of the guy I have attempted to smother.:-) Figure I'll wait and see if he moves down the block and then...maybe things will be a tad calmer.

David and I are planning to head to Q. They are having a white party ... since it is the last saturday you can wear white. :-) Then off to Connections of course.

The ladies down the way here at work ... jesus! Like the freaking CIA. I rarely lie and I answer all these questions honestly and they are all about know all about everything in my life lately. They have the knowledge of the most recent guy, Brent even how far I have gone with a girl. I guess in some weird way they are just interested and like the stories but it is sometimes stuff I am not sure I should release at work. But it isnt like I told them my heterosxual experiences ... they dug! Blah...no offense to the str8s...but I dont think about that crap often. :-)

Anyhow. So I am headed out of course tomorrow. Looking forward to that. I hung up accidently on David while we were talking .. when I called him back he was all peed.:-) I was like "But BABY!" lol...ughh...an old line from the Brent era.

Tony wants me to help him move his bed into his apartment. I figure it isnt a bad plan to keep in touch and keep talking. You know me? :-) I rarely like closed doors with anyone really. I guess to me it kinda admitts a failure and a mistake if I walk away ... or if they walk away...and I figure as long as we are still friends, we can claim we learned from it, still respect each other .. and didnt error.

Tuesday night I walked home from Q at 3 am. Only like 15 blocks. Greg was busy hitting on someone...and it was way past when we were supposed to leave and so I got tiked that he wouldnt go. ( I did call him and express in the typical Matt pissed off way that I didnt appreciate it ) lol. Anyhow...I'll call him tomorrow and smooth that all over. I still need to figure out what to wear tomorrow night. There will be boys I am interested in there. There are boys interested in me ... I was talking to my grocery store owner down the street ( I am in there so much I already know his name and he knows all my false starts at love) and I was explaining wouldnt it be an awesome powerful world if we wanted those who want us??? and that those we want wanted us???? But no...neither is true. So hard to match up two different people and find a smiliar goal of something. I was talking to this hot guy I have a crush on tonight and he was flirting heavily and I figured fine...I'll say back what I want ... I'll be candid and admitt it all ... but I also know you have a boyfriend and so ... this is all just talk. I'll see him out tomorrow too.:-)

Shades of Grey. :-) Kinda in between here still. I think I am trying too hard at this dating thing. But I dont know anything other than giving it everything. Trying to work on that.

Ordered a new desktop computer today. 21" LCD flat panel....with the Intel Duo Core and a nice graphics card and decent memory....obviously the screen is the grand element. I was going to do the 19" one but Derrick weighed in and I changed that on his advice.

David, Derrick and I are planning an expected trip to Chicago this month. Course WICKED is on the agenda to go see. David blabbed out that he is paying for my ticket. AWWWW....:-) And I was gonna get his...he was like...really? What seats were you thinking of...I was like...the 50 dollar ones....he was like....then I'll go on and get them I was looking at the 80 dollar ones. SO..... sweet! So I am reminded of a song...I added their initials to the title years ago in my media player .... DMD "Through the darkness I can see your light. And you will always shine and I can feel your heart in mine. Your face I've memorized I idolize just you ... Time changes everything, one truth always stays the same .... your still you. I look up to everything you are. In my eyes you do no wrong, I've loved you for so long and after all is said and done your still you...and I belief in you although you never asked me too. And in this cruel and angry world I found one true love." But did we really need me to drop those initials in there? any foul should know. Wow ... what could be possible if I found someone I felt like this for who felt like that for me and we actually embraced it and acted upon? I'd prolly never have a chance for my journal ... I'd be too busy holding on to them and admitting to them how long I waited for us. ( I know ... racing to something with the hope it will be something isn't a good plan. It will be if it is supposed to be. It is so hard to have the image of what you want ... and the plan of how you will be ... and still waiting for the leading character to step into that dream.) Still ... even not knowing who that person is ... it makes me feel strong, powerful, warm and whole just thinking that I know and I expect that someday.

It takes time. I'm a microwave kinda guy who doesnt like to give it time. But ... everything takes time. Chicago, new boys, old boys, settling into work, planning out the apartment...life. It takes time...and that has always been an obvious frustration of mine. Hmm...that i guess my fatal flaw, my down will be impatience as it most likely has been in the past and is sure to continue. All or nothing Matt is who I am. I'm attempting the patience thing here. I am gonna try to enjoy and not think of agendas.

A guy asked me Monday night if I'd rather have 1. a mediocre realtionship that had a long duration or 2. A short relationship that reached the highest hights possible. ( I think he was saying he was number 1 ) But I picked 2. What romantic wants to exist for a long time and not hit the highest point? Better to have loved and lost than to never love.

I'm a fire sign...I consume. Inferno...:-)
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