David Doyle picked up a boy tonight. OF course I dont like him BUT lets point out (no offense but I'll speak for others) Derrick, Shane and Greg all agree he ISN'T cute. David is no longer allowed to take anyone home from the bar from here on. ITS FOR HIS OWN GOOD. He is in no condition any longer to pick a boy from here on.
And so I sat there last night telling the boy I want on the phone how much I thought about him. I know...god stop me. BUT as I hung out with his ex and that crew all I could do was wish he was there. I excused myself to smoke three times and only talked to his best friend Ryan. He was friendly fire and they were worthy adverseries(SP) but all I knew was ... I'd rather see this one than these pretenious five. So he heard praises of him on the phone...and even if we dont work out...I feel good knowing that a cute guy, not out, got a drunken call from a boy telling him he was missed out. Hell I am just glad he answered...:-)...I wouldnt have answered at 2 am. I would have thought it is Matt Leffler and I am alseep he can leave a message. BUT I tell you this ... that boy ( I told him this too I think) will be my next husband or my next best friend. All I know is I try not to say anything to him and I still call him at the bar and when I cant hear him I say hold on...and find a way out of the bar so I can talk to him...who else would you want to talk too??? I wish I could save myself ... I need to protect my heart ... I need to stay clear of anyone I am not accustom too...but...he has landed in a spot in me that calls for And ... he stays on the line all that time. I may just serve as a rebound help to his ego ... but ... I can either risk making a boy feel better about himself or grab a grand chance for myself ... I think either are worthy causes. Humility thats my word of this point. I want one guy and I dont think he wants me now but I feel like I can prove myself as a person he would want. You know???? Like ... you see this guy and think he is nice and all ... but ... and then I pull all these strings to attempt to get a moment of your time and during that time I entertain and occupy. But then ... I need to stay away from all boys. I need to remember that I just got dumped by a boy I gave everything too and he ignored it and went for some stupid idea that I hate god and I cant date him because of that.
I tell you this...I'd rather find a boy now...than GOD later. Today is real...tomorrow may not come and I'd rather stand in front of God and tell him that...
I knew that life was a gift and I sought out everything that would make life worth living and while he may have not fit into your bible ... I think that living life is better than settling for a limited appreciation for what you gave me.