Can someone explain to me how evangelicals think it is better to buy a couple hundred dollars of Meth than to admitt having consensual sex with another man? I say that they think it is better because thats what the Pastor of a huge association admitted to doing and then denied having had sex with his gay massage boy.
I mean why is it that so many "christians" question my values?
(basically thats enough stuff for a person to maintain a high and stay awake for a week and a half)
oh...and FYI...I need to stop my bitching in my journal about my ex. As it is obvious that I have issues doing that. So I made a new journal with that as the theme so I stop flooding this journal...the one of my life...with crap about a lost cause. Sure I love Brent. Sure I thought we were the test of time. Sure I never thought his lips wouldnt be the ones I touch next. But that isnt and wasnt the case. Too many people have access to this journal. I cant be true to my feelings typing here. So I will be the Matt I want to portray here. And I'll be the Matt I am when I am down there. Cause no one wants to read a baby crying. No one respects a guy who goes on and on about a loss.
End result. I am two now. The one I want to be is here. The one I am is there.
Oh and as a sign of my state of being.
I have called several friends and told them I want to see them out with me. And the three I called who couldnt I said.... "Well just remember ... I wanted to see you." I dont mean to sound desperate I mostly just want them to know I care about them and that as they sleep they were wanted somewhere else. Maybe that was my purpose in life. To let others know that someone else looks at them as a great person and someone else ... values them.
Maybe that is what I miss most about Brent. And thats why I am all about expressing that to others. The messages of "I love you" the calls for being together ... the hugs the kind words....those are what I miss and those are what I try to give cause those are what I miss. Pardon me now ... I have a date with a barstool and a bottle of whiskey.