Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler

night's disclaimer

So I am watching a stupid teeny bopper movie and david and I agreed on the phone it was stupid.  But as I watch it I see similiar things in my life.  A wounded heart, meets another in a bad time .... but in this movie the girl (me) steps back and realizes she does keep people at arms length.  And she says to herself, I am not going to be afraid anymore.  I actually told Brent ( I know little reason to mention him but he did shape a lot of me at this point ) I told Brent my short comings were due to fear.  And I am not going to be afraid anymore.

The boy I like has done everything I would want...and actually surprised me a tad in the past couple weeks and so thats why tonight is kinda interesting.  

But here is the wounded guy talking "tonight will be our first night out in public and he will disappoint me.  People act totally different when others are is there defenses.  I will lose tonight." And then there is the old Matt pretoday Matt.  "He has over achieved until tonight, and tonight he'll continue to surprise and enchant.

I'll tell you which Matt wins.  But both Matts agree, nothing is gained if you dont put yourself in a situation that calls on another person to do what they will.  You'll never win, unless you lose control.  Risk...opens opportunity.  Safe means the same thing you have now. 

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