Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

40:51 Be proud of me!

*****OMG!!!!  I am in Dabuzz's top friends on myspace! http://myspace.com/dabuzznu Seriously I like that!!!!  I deserve it since I've dwelled on them as my musical deity since like 2004!*****

 So we left our second bar and the fourth location we drank tonight and Ron kept asking me if this was my street.  I was like Ron you used to live in the same house as me.  No this is no where near it!  Then I ended up having to give him directions and call out the streets in front of him and he got mad and told me not to be smart cause he couldnt see.  I told him to pull over.  I got out.  I expected him to get out.  He couldnt drive and I will not drive so we were gonna just walk...well...he thought I was gonna drive and got mad when he saw I wasnt and pealed off.  Point.  If you cant see and you cant navigate down third street which is STRAIGHT and goes SOUTH.  Then I can just walk and I think you should too!

I got my hair highlighted tonight FINALLY.  Forgot how Matt Leffler it was.  Got props out and about and realize I have to keep up this appearance and I can do that .... it is summer.  

Sylver - thats a group I like a lot.  They have a new song out I like.  http://myspace.com/ferocitymatt it is my new myspace song.  I like it.  "  Dont go wasteing your emotions, lay all your love on me!  Dont go sharing your devotions lay all your love on me." ( this was added later ... like 4 hours, I already changed the song to another DaBuzz ballard so whatevers.:-)

But back to Ron.  Odd shit here.  We were discussing him and his most recent ex and he switched it suddenly to our break up from years ago and we were going in circles about it.  To the point we were walking into Q and I saw a friend of Ron's and grabbed him and was like...hey come over here!   But I do care about him.  Honestly I worry he goes through boys so fast that he is in this crazy search to find something and I dont think he will find it until he slows down on his search.  I hope nothing but the best for him but I at least I know I couldn't keep up his dating schedule.  He at least agreed since Brent ( which means about two years now ) I have been slower to date others.  I named the 4 guys he has dated in the past month and asked him who I had dated and thats kinda where I hope he ends up....cause....the frenzy of the search can distract from finding something real.

No I dont claim to be a saint.  I just claim to not call a guy my boyfriend until I can feel something I haven't in a long time.  I don't want a substitue I want a reason.  

So the issue with my parents is kinda slow moving but cautious I'd say.  Mom seems to be doing well on the chemo but of course we arent even half through it and I am just optimistic cause I am used to here being tired and bald.  Dad has me a lot more worried.  It is newer but it also seems harsher.  The doctors wanted mom's breast.  They now want dad's bladder.  It seems a bladder at least to me is a bigger question.

It is times like this that my spiritual side hits higher gears and I look for more than just luck.  Lets not forget I may be almost thirty but I am hardly grown up and I obviously still rely on my parents and my grandparents.  ( And yes Grandma's breast cancer seems to be a mute issue now...the least harsh which is good since she IS the oldest ) 

So some nitty gritty info.  I have messed around with a few guys but I havent had sex since Jordan in December.  I finally broke down that barrier.  Was about time I have to say.  I dont know maybe sex to me finally has reached a higher value and for me to reach it I have to be enchanted or sitting there after four months.  I enjoyed it but ... I still miss something from it I havent had in a bit.  God!  I am 28 and getting more and more picky and moral .... when I should be just happy to get whatever...lol.   Just kidding kinda....I just remember when I would never have slept with someone as old as me.  :-)   Times change dont they?  I guess it comes down to I see myself just as I was just a awhile ago.  Smiling at a bar walking in looking for a person I know and acknowledging them in a manner that will bring a feeling that I am welcome.

AND 40:51?  For those of you joining us since the start of this journal....I tried numbering as if this was "The book of Matthew" which it is of course to me.  Each chapter change is a change in my life.  A moment I feel I turn the page and start something else.  Chapter Fourty is the longest chapter now.  I am kinda interested as to when I am gonna see and feel a reason to move to chapter 51.  Oh and BTW in the bible ...Matthew (the chapter) isnt as long as mine so I kinda think I out did that Matt.

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