Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

Changed for the better

So I am sitting here on Louisville's biggest official party day, and not really very enthusiastic.  If I had thought ahead I'd be in Chicago.  Mike has a cold and plans to sleep through the weekend...that sounds more fun to me.  
Queen Elizabeth II even decided to stop in town today for the Derby.  For me, I decided to actually get out of bed at 7pm.  Why any earlier?  Its 2 minutes of sports, classy people from outa town I wont meet and salt of the earth from town making fouls of the rest of us.  This is the day half of south Louisville sells their front yards as parking lots for the day.  Such class.  

The biggest options of going out tonight are list below( and what is wrong with them ).  In all their isnt one easy answer other than not going to #3.  I guarentee it will be sometime before you see Matt Leffler in Butchertown across a meat packing plant.

1. Connection - The old time favorite.  $15 cover.  Suckie A/C and an air that lays moist and heavy on the skin.  Recently raised drink prices and lowered the quality of their drinks.  What was once Smirnoff is now Glenmore.  Back in their hay day (1995-2003) they brought in guest singers who actually had hit techno congs out like Amber and the likes.  But now they just recycle DJs they bring in for such novel holidays as Halloween.  Point being, past their prime.

2. Starbase Q - I go there the most of any place.  I like it.  But I doubt they'll attract too huge a crowd.  Outa towners are prolly connection bound and the next bar in the list is pushing heavy to have a night with a crowd ... all be it ... locals.  Cover $5  Point being, prolly shouldnt expect on any excitement.

3. Fusion - New bar.  Well kinda. New name after being recently closed down after a raid.  $20 at the door.  Never proved itself as a night spot yet really.  And the classy people who advertise "Steam Parties with private rooms" will be there.  ( i.e. trashy ) Plus some Suzi Q Licker or something like that, point .... a celebrity that so far no one has heard of that I talk too other than the people who keep saying ... go to Q.  Point being expect to see the trashiest gay guys who think they have class.  You know the same ones who make out with multiple guys in one night and all end up at the same house enjoying a round of seedy sex.  Thats if they arent raided again.  ( note I am not saying everyone there is trashy ... just some people like that atmosphere or think its gonna be something other than what I expect.  Course, if it talks like a duck....walks like a duck....looks like a duck.....it probably isn't a swan)

WOW....what a night!  At least the trashy side of Louisville is going to the most obscure bar with the highest price.  

So I am going to go to Q.  I like that place.  I even like it when it isnt packed so thats good.  I am gonna take a double dose of my anxiety medicine and possibly make it out to Connection after that.  Two bars for the price of Fusion.  Besides my days of dealing with law enforcement are behind me.  

Speaking of that ... so I completed my DUI classes finally.  Plan to frame the certificate.  I was expressing to the counselor during my exit interview my persistent despair for the bar community and my continually growing boredom with life in the ville and the distaste I have for the people considered young and popular these days.  She suggested that I may just be growing up.

Course as I drown out the nasty sound of heterosexual sex from downstairs I am reminded that while the bars kinda suck now....and while the boys pretty much excessively suck....  If I could turn back time I'd do it again.  "Only if I" - Cascandra.  And yes you know what I mean....I mean...while I ended up here and an anxious over it kinda guy who consistently gets told by my ex which guy I like is good or bad in bed ... ( I hate that he doesnt know why I want a guy he hasnt slept with???  Cause I dont feel like having him tell me their dick size before I take their clothes off. ) ... while I am here....maybe the only reason I am so dissatisfied is cause in the past I've had more and felt more and enjoyed more than everyone else I know.  Like a senior statesman who simply remembers when things were aligned in such a better way.  I dont try to chase those days ... I know they're gone and no I am not talking just about Brent...all be it the Love of my life ... but Brandon....my days dancing shirtless at the bar to Da Buzz....my days walking into Nashville's Connection in College and feeling like I owned it, only to go to Louisville's bar and feeling like I owned it too.  A guy who could throw an annual party with hundreds of people there that lasted from 8 am one day to 11 am the next day.  And now .... a guy who is just seeing value in a career and something more solid.  Miss the upside down live for the day life ... but finding comfort in the idea that I am more stable than I've ever been....course...also on more persciptions than I have ever been on......lol.....Concerta, Wellbutrin, Paxil, and Chantix .... chemically bring me to the place I want to be at .... course .... I miss the uninhibited wild side of me.  But you can't seize yesturday tomorrow.  The old days of Matt Leffler dancing shirtless with this yellow visor on a speaker have ended.  Now I have to reconcile that with the expectations of a guy who once did that.
All things must end.  And I see myself while seemingly being youthful not feeling youthful and not wanting to be youthful.  I guess I am changing ... I guess I am growing up.  Happy days do pass by much faster.

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