Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler

42:01 Artic


Umm... yeah what I may have said about someone previously...lets just take that and stick it into a FED EX box and ship it to Antartica to take root and grow.  Weirdest thing...if any one has read part of my journal I dont get where they dont find that I can really easily move on and take no remorse on some lost trivial disturbance in my life.  I mean ... sure ... Brent makes it look like I am a sucker, but you have to actually mean something to me before you can go by the Brent doctrine.  No one has meant anything since Brent.  Someone hopefully will ... but God knows they havent met me yet.  XoXoXo 

I've made alot of friends in the past year.  And no I dont want Brent back cause we already proved we would fail each other.  I just want someone who treated me like him and who I felt about like him and tha hasnt happened.  And ... I'm glad it hasnt.  Cause it just shows me that for many years I've wanted something extremely perfect and special.....and I got it.  Course I lost it now....but at least I know what it is I need and I want.  It makes it easier to walk away and ignore that which isn't what will make me happy.  

I talked to Collin tonight.  I hope he isnt mad at me and he acted fine after we talked ... I dont dislike him ... I just know he isnt the guy I want to date.  And ... after tonight I kinda saw how anyone else isnt who I want to date.

Goes back to my job I suppose.  I either have the job I want or the boy I want and never the same at the same time.  And...I need to pull my life together and finally move to Chicago where I can have possibly the two at the same time.

There may be a new Matt Leffler here. is 3:15 am.  I turned off my phone and I am boiling vegies and I am going to step out my door and dive in the pool.  Who needs much more?  You just have to be happy on your own to not care about the next tom, dick and harry that come along.  

**** So just jumped in the pool a few times.  reminded me.  Boyfriends are like pools.  More often than not they require chemcials to make them normal.  The only way to get used to them is to dive in.  AND generally they are seasonal.  

**************************additional update an hour later.  I was asked why my mojo profile says "I am not simmering anymore." I was asked why it said I was simmering once....   my exact response,:

"in the first place....i met a guy I liked.  He acted like he liked me.  Several nights in a row if people asked where either of us where ... the answer was making out with the other.  But then I wanted something out side of the bar...and that never happened."  and all this was typed to the song... Beautiful Day - U2.  Point on the song ... guys I may want no longer generally matter as to my self esteem...moving past one helps me more than anything.

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