Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

Up to my eye balls ... with your shit

So I actually told Greg tonight that if on the next time we hang out he asks "who was with who? who is that? Can you believe those two where together? Or what was so and so doing?" I am going to scream, grab a cab and not talk to him for a month.  I am annoyed.  I am tired of being asked about third parties....who live in this town and thus by default arent important.  I mean it.  I dont care.  I dont really give a shit who does what to who in this dago-city.  Lets say you grab the ex shively vet hospital guy and pair him with Bloomington's Serial dater.  I dont care.  It will be over with in about a month if history plays true.   What about the two guys across the bar....I DONT CARE....do you know how many guys have been across the bar in my lifetime?  Or ... he is so cute and moving out of the country in a month.....well....guess what .... I DONT FUCKING CARE.   Why cant I go out to the bar, enjoy MYSELF with out all the third party bullshit and discussion????   I mean....one If I know them most likely there is a reason why we arent dating.  Two ... If I dont know them there is an 80% chance I'll think they are a loser.  And of the 20% I dont know 19% arent from here.  So there is about 1 % of guys I may like out there, that I havent already wrote off who arent losers .... and of those 90% don't live here or are moving in the next month.  So....1% of those I am introed too ...will I be interested in and 10% of those will be worth caring about and 50% of them will want me ... so

GREG.   SHUT THE GOD DAMN FUCK UP.  I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE TALKING TOO AND WHO YOU WANT ME TO MEET CAUSE 99% OF THEM I SEE AS NO REASON TO GET OFF MY ASS ABOUT.

Point being...if I am at the bar I dont expect to meet my next love.  If I am on Manhunt.net I dont expect to meet anyone worth pillow talk.  If I am out of this city .... I have a better chance so realize that Louisville is like life support and a feeding tube to me.  It wont make me happy but it will put off the end of my life.  So ... lets just have fun in town.... and make solid concrete plans for out of this city.  

Leave it to the shaddy people ...... Leave Louisville to the Thomas Carrier crowd!  I'll be able to catch it in the seedy gossip or a Youtube channel named Louisville's Trashy.  Lets not forget last time I was at the Pink Door I had to lean over to a few people and say loud enough that it cant get much trashier ( and it was directed to the Carrier Clan ... who were at that time doing public hand jobs ) 

I just want to go out.  Find people that arent Trashy like the Carrier Group, arent slutty like Ron's boys, aren't tragic like Greg's Boys and who are capable of dating unlike my most recent interests.  This town ... sucks.

I like Thomas, Greg and Ron as people ... but they kinda surround themselves with what I dont like.  Its like mosquito traps....you want them around but to catch what you don't want around.

So if I am out and about.  My last goal is to meet new people.  Cause the current ones I know are let downs.  And there is a pervasive plague in Louisville and I am friends with the "carriers" of that plague and I write off people as they fall into those pockets.

When I am on Louisville's seediest wedsite Manhunt.net ... I am most likely looking at guys in Chicago.  I'd be a fool to look in my backyard for someone worth any attention.

OMG!  Some will say I am an asshole in this regard.  BUT ... those people are probably already in one of these culture clubs of boring ...  and anyone else is probably not going to satisfy me.  I've tasted what I want ... and I dont see anything comparable.  Nothing against Louisville .... but I have high tastes and if I compare the population of here and Chicago I know I have a better chance there to find someone I can want.

In Louisville ... all honesty I have found only two people I could really care about.  1.  Is gone, and in Argentina and wants nothing to do with me.  2. Is my ex and while he is a best best friend I love.....we already failed one another so there is little reason to expect much more than what we already are ... and what we are should and could be the only thing that makes Louisville interesting....but someday I am gonna want to touch someone ... who I have dated for sometime who means something to me ... and who I mean something too.

So I have two jobs here work over 50 hours a week all in preparation to get out of here.  


Louisville ... your on notice.  Louisville has taught me to embrace this line.

"HUrts when you lok at  me that way.  God only knows ... what I would do...if I had to live life with out you.  And as long as I'm here I continue to prove that I can live with out you.  I already know I can live life with out you, and I am tired meeting no one with your love....  The smile hides the sadness in my eyes.  And I'll continue to hold out for a guy I can share my life with."

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