Matthew has many gifts. One massive flaw behind all the smiles and the joy is one of longing. One of trying....one flaw of second guessing.
Failures are easily defended against by my smile. My laughter covers the greatest secret I think to my soul. My happiness hinges upon being needed. Feeling wanted...feeling that the people around me, seek to have me around.
I think this has always been a cardinal aspect to my own undoing...any depression i find...is rooted in wishing that i could find a person who would do crazy things for me.
Brandon is an example of this....we dated 3 years. he left me...got on a bus and moved in with these two boys he had cheated on me with. 3 days went by and he said he wanted to come home....I drove 3 hours to get him...and 3 hours home. No one has ever driven 6 hours for me.
There may be a reason in my nature for that....but in my biased mind....I simply see it as me rising to the chances top show someone that they are important to me...and their failure to return to favor. Which ends...in each of us...looking for another.