Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

Awake

So I had my own "Awakening" I kinda am sitting here asking myself if I really want the job that pays well in the city that provides a small example of possibility of life, love and friendship.  Sure I have some really close ones ... some fabulous friends ... but ... am I really wanting a life with a good job in a middle sized city and good friends?  Or ... am I ready to trade it all in ... in pursuit of a real love and with that a real life? 
Option A:  Great friends....who are mad at others who are mean to you on there own and you make good money and end the night with ... those good friends.
Option B: Leave those friends, that job and end up struggling with the chance to meet the one you love and ... scarey enough that one who loves you?
Option C: You leave them all .... find nothing and return to find that all has passed.

I think option c is the least likely.  Option B would bring me the most happiness, and Option A would deliever the same o same o ... which doesn't fullfill the most important aspect of me.  What do I do?  Stay here and be content on nothing but friends and people I am interested in who are nothing?  Or leave ... and risk everything with the hope I find what I am missing.

Its been two years since I called a guy my boyfriend.  How much longer should I wait for life to give me something when I feel I might find the most important somewhere else.

I think its time to start living.  I just need to figure out how.
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