I was told tonight that my interest in a guy ... was an example of me trying to stick it to them. That I was using someone to piss off some other people. I told him ... and I fell strongly ... if he believes that then I can't talk to him much more because he is obviously someone who doesnt know me. He tried to cover this assertation and still act like a friend and I told him he was insulting me and how I felt about someone whom I thought was cute but never thought I would ever kiss.
I'm going to stop blogging about this matter after this ... unless its friends only. I'm not trying to tick off a person or a group of people that I don't consider my friends and people I feel sorry for. I want to be happy and if my happiness makes a guy who's been single over a month happy ... then shove off.
Self disclosure has been my thing since any of these people can ever claim they knew me. I apparently cant go out to my regular spots and not advertise the chance I have to complete my life ... as if I advertise this ... as I told Rob Preston ... what would be my motivation to tick off someone or his like minded equally depressing people he hangs out with. Why? Why would I parade? I told Rob if that where true it would have to mean that I wanted one of them ... or I wanted to prove something to one of them. What reason do I have to give a shit about Collin or Shane? REally ... ??? how have these two ever really shown their use in my life? They are nothing to me ... so... someone else must be the motive ... maybe the guy I worry could be taken away by their hatred. He isn't going to go back to Collin, that fucker is an idiot ... these assholes will do all they can to divide and rob me from what I can help build just so they aren't reminded how big of losers they are.
Shane ... has always demonstrated to me with his continued attacks against Greg or Justion ... he is just a person who needs to belittle others to make himself feel better. He said to someone about me " Have you met my friend Matt?" and I realize ... we dont hang out, I dont call him when I need a favor ... he may call me and I may have dropped everything to rescue him .... but since then I've been a nice butt of his crappy jokes. "Have you met my friend Matt?" I replied before anything else was said ... "We aren't friends" No ... I wasnt being an ass ... it was the truth. We don't look for each other, we dont call each other and in our best and worst of times ... neither of us anymore call the other. So ... do what I do .... get over it ... the opposite just demonstrates that YOU cant judge people how they treat you ... and you, knowing I have never done anything to you ... feel you can look better if you make me look bad.
To all of you here is how I feel about myself.
I have friends who will do anything for me that I've known for over a decade. No not one, not two ... several. And they don't care what you think.
I've been single for over two years ... I've been good, I've waited my time and I didn't take anyone's boyfriend. Shane for instance ... and his big run after Mark while Mark was with Greg. The lies he told ... about them fighting violently. All obviously said to Shane's benefit because Shane has normally nothing. Or Rob questioning my feelings for the one I focus on ... obviously he's just upset that some people actually focus on the one ... and some of us want only one.
This is how I am ... I can be friends with anyone. I like the chance to go above and beyond for a friend. And each of these people can tell a story how I have included or gone out of y way for them and there return is to guestion me because they can't accept that yes ... there are people out there who can put others above their selfish feelings. I may not be right for Mike but ... whatever he does I will hope the best for him. I'll hope the best for them too. But I just want the chance to be me with someone and luckily I trust the guy I like to follow what he wants dispite their high school antics.
For me to blog about them anymore is below my goals so I want talk about their attacks. I had a great night, part of that is cause I hope and plan to be next to the best thing that has happened to me in years.
I owe an apology now for discussing their actions cause I am being judged by my actions and that is the only thing that matters and thats what will give me what I want. I can't give them any further thought or any further discussion. I lose when I engage their negative energy.
I have the great job. I have a nice apartment. I have great parents. I have real true friends and for the first time with all those pluses I have a chance to have the perfect guy. I'll focus on these things, cause I can have everything.
More important ... I've finally figured out the perfect recipe for my favorite meal. Thats more important than discussing the previous.