I still feel alone. I just dont know. I still expect so much of the past. I have had 9 failed relationships. I care about all my past, and blame and take out the past on the current. I try to realize that while may have done this, and another and I broke up this way ... it is so hard to not always be planning for the PR presentation explaining how things will go on even though he is gone. I am not any worse off than anyone else, I just expected so much more each time. And I allow each of those to predestine me today to preparing a continuity statement and then my actions always show a sign of reservation and preparation of their absence. I am my worst enemy in a relationship.
I have everything I ever wanted right now. and still ... I plan for the end, as I have since the beginning.