Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler

and ...

So I need to review the chapter and verse I last referenced. I started this journal so many years ago ... and havent update in about a year...rather I've expressed my raw emotions on facebook's status updates. Poor idea since I usually cant say what I mean in one sentence.
I changed my updates to default to friends only like several years ago I think and off on since then have steped out to say one thing or another. Fear of expressing emotion and being seen as a screw ball, but now I realize I am one and that this journal doesn't make it any worse. Its my therapy and hey with the time off maybe I can feel like I am talking to the casual reader rather than a paranoid worry as to who can use this against me.
I think in this time off I have grown professionally, stability ... I know I haven't in emotion and in relationship.
I still question every missed call and every intention and demand something I can't myself offer. But ... hey maybe thats just me.
Anyhow ... I'm single again. He did something I can forgive but will not accept and while I feel we have so much more to give he seems to think he is the victim and I try to resolve to look at the bigger picture but then find myself still questioning the feelings I had previous (run on sentence?) to our break up. I guess I have never been good at being with just me ... and gravitate to something I know isn't there but oh if I just did this to help bring it about, and never learning that no matter what I may do it really does take two baby.
So anyhow ... I'll be seeing ya.

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