January 23rd, 2004

Matt Leffler

4:15

I handle myself under pressure exceptionally well. But when you factor in an extreme amount of cocktails, a pinch of illness, a heaping helping of being lost with a flat tire in a bad part of town with 3 other people telling you how to handle your car all somewhat conflicting, a person your taking home yet you have no idea when you said Yes...I can drive you into the battle zone...you start to get worn thin. Your capable of great things, great grace....and sometimes a very explosive pissyness is unleashed.
So today I have a headache...my knuckles are healing from the tireiron/pavement motion I was doing last night...and the palm of my hand has a small divot in it from the picture I launched across the room as I was hearing an important person crying behind a closed door obivously in reaction to the demise of happy go lucky night.
Even at my worst I am not violent at any person. I am at inanimate objects...watch your step in the living room today...havent gotten all the glass up.
I hit a friend..(more than a friend but officially not more than a friend) last night with a car manual...I wasnt aiming...I threw it randomly into the backseat as I was getting alot of lip on how to change a tire just after the car rolled off the jack in air. *Note: When in someone's car who wasnt driving when the accident happened.....please don't make it a group project to come up with a better mouse trap as the titanic slips under the icy water.
But all that was just 30 minutes or so of the night. Before that everything was great. Sadly I dont think any parties involved are going to remember that section. On my defense I Yes I was the only one that went off....but today I am the only one that is driving on a donut, with 3 not four of those little do dads you stick your lugnuts on....and I just noticed there is some random peice of my car barely hanging on. So yes I lost my temper...and thats prolly because I dont feel like spending several hundred dollars this week in repairs to my car.
But that doesnt matter. No one wants apologizes, no one tries to think about the situational aspects of the moment. And no drunk person acts the way they mean too the next day.
  • Current Music
    at work
Matt Leffler

4:16

Its hard to convey your thoughts in here while also talking to people at work...I am surprised that my previous entry had any carry through from paragraph to paragraph.
So the thing that was hanging on my car is gone???? :-) My tail light is busted out greater than I remembered...it looks like I need two tires, a do dad lugnut thingy and a car wash. I think I am running into the question....do I keep my laptop, go on vacation, or fix the car?? Most unhappy with this situation at hand. Most unhappy.
I'm being quickly demonized now. :-) Ignored for the 98% of who I am...and remembered and reverred for a moment that would challenge anyone's resolve.
So...I am resigning. I resign any further grief over it all and at this point repect a line from last night......If you have a problem with it, it is YOUR problem. Cause I don't hold on to problems...life requires answers and moving on....not dwelling and dramatizing.
Back to normal. I like me new laptop. :-) I have no idea what to do with my bedroom. lol.....decor, style....its all so uninteresting to me. I tried to shot for classy and minimal....and now I feel likemy room has the personality of a hotel room. I think its time to paint.
Yawn...its late and I am bored.
  • Current Music
    High on Life - Dj Encore