April 27th, 2004

Matt Leffler


The quest for love is bumpy at best, and not all romances are meant to be. Even with the best of intentions, passion fizzles, the ties that bind unravel and the next thing you know, you’re eyeing the door. It happens. And while breaking up certainly is hard to do, it can be done with class, consideration and decorum. For a gracious goodbye, follow the “Five Be’s” below.

Be Sure

Has the fire burned out (or never sparked in the first place)? Or are you ending it over something superficial or possibly fixable? This is not questioning your right to date whomever you want, why-ever you want. It’s just that love at first sight is rare, worthwhile relationships aren’t necessarily easy and soulmates often come in surprising packages. Assess the situation with an open mind — and open heart.

Be Brave

Being alone can be, well, lonely, and it’s tempting to choose "plus one" over "plus none." Don’t. Instead, step up and do the right thing (for both of you) and make the break. While it’s certainly worse to be on the receiving end of bye-bye, saying sayonara yourself isn’t exactly easy either (this assuming, you have a heart). We’ve all strung or been strung along, mostly to avoid the inevitable and painfully awkward confrontation. Have some guts and just do it now.

Be Decisive

Once you’ve made your decision, stick to it. People should accept rejection with as much grace, composure and dignity as they can muster. But some single-minded souls will beg, plead and guilt their way into a second chance. Unless they wow you with some new info (that hottie you spied him with really was his cousin or she just won the lottery) don’t give cave into the pressure.

Be There

Phone breakups are beyond tacky. Email breakups are worse. And don’t even think of doing nothing at all (not returning calls, not showing up for dates) — effective: yes, sometimes; offensive: yes, always. Assuming you’ve dated more than a handful of times, splitting up in person is the right thing to do. Select a low-key, unromantic public spot — sans cocktails — and do the deed. Please, do not break up smack in the middle of dinner. Besides, it's cheesy and you’re guaranteed to get stuck with the check.

Be Brief

No need to blather on and on about where you two went wrong and why this is the right thing to do, blah, blah, blah. While some would suggest “be honest,” I disagree. I’m not suggesting you outright lie (“I’m just not ready for a relationship”) or make up some phantom ex that’s back into the picture. I’m merely suggesting you not blurt the truth. (“You’re duller than watching paint” or “I’m hot for your roommate.”) A simple, “I think you’re great, but just don’t feel that way about you” will sufficiently crush the person across from you. That’s enough.

I have copied this from an article I read online. As for my life just got in from a wonderful dinner after spending the day at the Louisville Zoo with my BF. Fire's burn bright so this article was just a public service announcement that I felt was pretty accurate.

Lyza made it back to work today, still limping. :-)

And we now have pictures I just need to find the damn cord that goes to this camera!