August 15th, 2004

Matt Leffler

14:1 Downgraded

So as Hurricane Charley used up his awesome power in a relatively short time Ron and I have decided to stepback and downgrade our relationship. I hoesntly probably have committment issues. Also we each have our other While I want a relationship I also want the the hunt and satisfaction of random pursuit. Ron and I have alot of potential and future, just for now at this moment we agreed each has alot of stuff going on in our personal lives that deserves our attention. Plus we tried to work past the small differences but its been obvious that these issues are causing resentment and frustration. To follow down the continued path simply leads to a messy breakup and a friendship lost. So...we are going to attempt dating...less time next to each other and focus on building up ourselves before we contribute to a collective self. I think this is wise, we both agree we dont want to let go, but we both agree something needs to happen. So, only time will tell. I know that what each of us wants long term...is just that. Long term. And in the short term maybe we have over reached? I am sure that we are going to devolp now in a better way. Instead of forcing what we think it should be, maybe the better way is to allow it to just be.

So Tomorrow for work I leave for Cincinatti. Fun Fun, from there I am off to Detroit. Work has aquired 7 new factories....and so now they are going to teach us what exact each one does. This is a big change at work...we are moving from 9 lines to 16. It has been already suggested that we will now expand in our employment and lower the number of stores each person has to deal with. SO....its a BIG change....drastic enough to call all merchandisers (70) in the country to their regional offices...thats expensive. But again...we seem to be about to double in size almost. They already told us to start talking about the changes at the stores, all I say there is "I have no idea other than I am supoposed to say I am the guy you need to talk to about it. Once I find out what it is...I'll tell you more. lol) So...again a week of travel.

This weekend Brandon visited. Was fun matching our quick "zinngers" at each other. lol. He is an ex, but over these 6 years, 3 as BFs and 3 as exes its nice to know you have built a realtionship of strong friendship and understanding matched with the inner secrets only an ex lover can know.

My house is still in disary. I am thinking it is now less of a cleaning issue and more of a self illustration of my environment. It will return to order when I feel order.

I am applying for some new jobs by the way. With all the flux at work always good to match yourself up for a quick escape. Plus I am always looking for more money and its not too much a secret the only thing in this current job for me is a paycheck.

I am a lucky person in the end. Sometimes to my disadvantage most often to my benefit, I always know that it is in my hands and up to no one but myself to make the changes I want to see. This crazy game of life, how could anyone win without a an ego? :-)
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