September 14th, 2005

Matt Leffler

Expectations

Date people....? I see little point after I had a recent experience. SO I am calling people less and I am going to the bar now less and I am pursuing no one. Its so weird and so crazy.

No boy recently (months) has meet my expectations of a dateable interest. EXCEPT. The one boy I hung out with who was from New Orleans the night before he was supposed to leave for Vermont. I had so little expectation with him because I knew he was leaving. But the cuddling, drinking wine in bed, the movie, the puppy, playing with his hair as he feel alseep, and the kisses....it was almost, as if there was a reason for passion. We had no reason. For all likelyhood I'll never see him again. And oddly he is kinda the central beacon of my hearts searching right now. We had breakfest together...and when i got home he thanked me for coming over. What a gentleman. and he instilled in my mind that what I want exists and that what I have become accustom to IS a distraction.

It is easy to exceed the expectation of nothing. I dont know what would have been if I would have had more than one night....and its easy to want what you dont have....but...This I know...that night held romance and more meaning than so many other nights. Lets hear it for the boy. lol. Where ever you've landed, you made an impression in Louisville. Stay safe...and if I find you again...or if like that night, you find me again, I'll be a lucky guy.