May 23rd, 2006

Matt Leffler

Guarded

....and now, a message only to my friends. My mind is full of words and I need to spill my feelings across my journal pages but ... I want to guard my inner most feelings. So...lets begin the protected journey into my mind.
Matt Leffler

(no subject)

Welcome to Matt Leffler. Step back and see the whole picture? No not I. I tunnel vision everything. Some people allow themselves to think through their life...I feel through it. Emotions not ration...that rules me.

I told someone tonight...that if it comes to a point where I have to decide to jump...I'll jump no matter what I see below...all in an attempt to realize what I see as possible.

So Brent.:-) As you know he is supposed to be figuring out who he is and while we have stayed in close contact he has suggested that maybe we need to distance ourselves. I talked it out with him...told him while I know exactly what I want and cant understand why he doesn't...that there is no use to me trying to force anyone to come my way. If he agrees to the proposition of life together...then so be it. If not then so be it. I have no control over it. He said....hey this isnt as bad as your acting...I was like...no brent its all good....but history says that I need to start thinking in terms of the likely...and a fairy tale ending isnt historical.

What I do control is myself. And I think I need to reground myself. I am off to go jog and think.