September 11th, 2006

Matt Leffler

36:28 Learning...

So just noting that while so many see me as not believing in this or that...I still have some ideas and beliefs that remind me of the secret joy that I once held and showed to all I could way back when before I figured out the world. all honesty a cute guy on myspace messaged me and made me want to express that same song on my profile to remind that I dont dislike god. I dont disrespect Jesus...I just ignore the man made limitations added to believing in another power. I do. I have always. I have questioned...I've always wondered...and someday...I'll show the appreciation I owe. But till then...I look at so many judgemental apsects of those who claim to believe in god with utter contempt. I do have a savior. I've prayed to someone. I've rejoiced in His work, and I have danced and dreamed with devotion to those ideas. I just dont accept the notion that Jesus died so long ago so that people could belittle others when it comes to one of the most important emotions humans can ever express. A thing that I kinda accept as above all the calling here in this life. LOVE. I dont question why two people love one another...I accept that LOVE is the most important lesson that any person can ever learn. I think that god taught that in both old and new testiment. He loved. So shall I love. I have is built from my overwhelming belief that my conviction to the idea that human life is a gift and should be experienced.
I have loved. I still love. To me love is something that God does and what He does cant be destroyed by a man can it? Thus Love deserves a capital L and reverence.
I just think that those who dont truely know all of you...would be surprised if you stood next to me at some judgement day. I would be able to stand and say...God...I questioned what i was told. And I knew that the wisdom of yours would teach me to figure out what was the important aspects of the gift I had called life. The central fullfillment of life IS Love. Just as you Loved I too Loved. And that was the meaning of life. Cause as I learned the gift of Love I learned the gift of Life and I learned the reason for why I was here.

But I have to admitt that there are gifts so many gifts that have rained down on me. You can become your own person but you can also still be the person your parents raised you to be. My parents taught a strong belief in someone more in control than me. Thy taught me that good things follow good things. And ... in keeping with this ... I have to say thank you to God for David, Derrick, Ron, Ed and of course Greg. They may hold different thoughts in their minds but I know that as I stand on an empty sidewalk I search my contacts on my cell phone for these people. THEY represtent the sanity I find in each day. Whether it is good or bad...they are the ones to know. without them...I dont see why I'd try any farther in life. Just to these people...know that no matter matter how mad I may act, no matter what happens in life...if you call me...I'll hold you up. You hold me up everyday. Love.