March 10th, 2013

51:01 Relief



So could say things about other guys ... but I wanna point out my biggest failure. I and Mike have completely broken all communication and agreed we wish each other the best. No more therapy...no more bowling...no more pool...no more golden girls...no more our first night...on my roof...we've decided that the bad is too much to look past at this time, possibly ... and most likely not ... cause were at this point its the end.

I'm now looking for a new love. Hoping I dont make the same mistakes...as I have always made...not telling them how much I love them and allowing them to think I hate them and thats my flaw I will have to over come and hopefully the next guy I say I love you too will know I love him cause of my everyday actions....hopefully it wont take the end of the world to show it.

So they could both read this...and to Mike: I forgive you for the little things, all of them were little things. I ask for your forgiveness for all the big things. I screwed up...and I lost the best thing in my life to ever touch me. I struggled with the break up cause I always knew you were so special and I was always so lucky. I wasnt overly lucky ... I was simply lucky that someone so wonderful and such a good match for me spent so many years with me. Even at our worst ... I never loved you less.

To my husband ... Mike didnt like how I talked about Brent. You wont hear about Brent ... you'll hear about Mike and all I can say is I found love. A love that I hope I find or have found with you. And I want to say I want you to tell me...I want you to grab my face and hold it and tell me when I've fucked up. I dont want to fuck up...I want to do better to share how I love you. I love you and I wont stop loving you. I'm actually really surprisingly slow to say I love you and if you heard it then we have a path to the end of time. Just tell me and make that eye contact. That eye contact will cause me to focus in my unfocused mind and I'll tell you that my love for you hasnt died...all I need is attention from you...and I'll always have you on my mind. Just show me you love me and I'll show you I love you.