39:04 Just no more

No more questions, please.
No more tests.
Comes the day you say, 'What for?'
Please.. no more.

They disappoint, they disappear, they die, but they don't.
They disappoint in turn, I fear,
Forgive, though, they won't.

No more riddles.
No more jests.
No more curses you can't undo, left by fathers you never knew.
No more quests.
No more feelings. Time to shut the door.
Just.. No more.

Running away, let's do it.
Free from the ties that bind.
No more despair, or burdens to bear,
Out there in the yonder.
Running away, go to it.
Where did you have in mind?
Have to take care.. unless there's a 'where',
You'll only be wandering blind.
Just more questions.. different kind.
Where are we to go?
Where are we ever to go?
Running away, we'll do it.
Why sit around, resigned?
Trouble is, son, the farther you run,
The more you'll feel undefined.
For what you have left undone, and more,
What you've left behind.

We disappoint, we leave a mess, we die, but we don't.

We disappoint in turn, I guess. Forget, though, we won't.

Like father, like son.

No more giants waging war!
Can't we just pursue our lives, with our children and our wives,
'Til that happy day arrives, how do you ignore
All the witches, all the curses,
All the wolves, all the lies, the false hopes, the good-bye's,
The reverses,
All the wondering what even worse is still in store!
All the children.
All the giants..
No more


I wish I had the opportunity to fuck up my relationship with Cody. I don't think I could though...I've never had a say in where we would go. I think 

1. He came from some bad relationships so he always expected us to fail. Since it was always going to fail he didn't want to show much interest and I picked up on that and took it as disinterest and questioned my security with him. It was a self fulfilling wasn't always going to fail, but it was going to fail because half the couple acted like it would.

2. Son of a Bitches.  Seriously....WTF Mate! I've had more people weighing in to this relationship on both sides pretty much all advocating for the end since the get go. We've fought through meddling and hearsay. Ultimately I've allowed my openness with others to feed a misinformation campaign designed to keep us divided and I don't think he understands the level of manipulation thats been brought in to all of it.

So .... I guess I can't change this stuff. If your partner doesn't think you're in it so he's always leaving can't live your life hoping he will change his mind. A person is 70% likely to do the same thing they normally Cody and I have a 30% chance of him caring about us. Thats worth it to me....but then there is that damn second thing.  Others and their influences...people who want him and see me as taking him away from them. Lets give them a 50/50 chance of success.  My math is not going to be sound here but now we have like a 5% chance of getting a positive outcome to two events.

It takes 3 months to get over someone I read today. I think for the sack of myself today ends my attempt at making a relationship with someone who's consistently told me he didnt want one with me. I guess I'm going to have to learn to let go...I've never done it well.

I don't like giving up on something I know is worth it. BUT I can't make a relationship on my own.


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