Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler

39:10 A million dreams

Past few days I've leaned on the ex, and talked while listened to music or watching our show...he fell asleep on the couch I asked him to join me in the bed and in a rarity he did ... asked if I could cuddle and he pulled my hand in ... it seemed more intimate than I'm used too. At one point I was just laying back downstairs, eyes closed just listening to him talk ... I honetly dont know what we were talking about because all I was doing was listening to his laugh, and enjoying that I could hear him talking again. I used too tell him he talked too much while I was working...but I worked for days so it wasn't like he deserved it.

I'm still pretty intently upset with my "friends" and especially the one who keeps downgrading his "mistake" that "might have caused you any trouble."  I told him I was trying to not think bout him fucking my bf. Told him the words he was using made me feel like he didnt get how serious what he had done was .... that in the end I can't be friends with him. After 20 yrs of friendship, knowing him since he was in high school...the fact that he went for it I could forgive. I did forgive. But when he moved my guy out of my home into his and got him to work with him he had done more than a mistake. He had attempted to replace me in all avenues and all routes. Now he is the single biggest threat to my dreams and I can't be friends with someone who is actively in the way of everything.

Its because of our freindship I tried to forgive him, but his lack of acknowledgment of what he is doing and what he has done....its all I can do to not punch him and then kick the shit out of him...I mean...fight club style.  He needs someone to teach him that its not okay, but I'm going to just say our friendship is the only thing that has been beating into the ground.

I've tried to pull my ex out to go with me to Chicago, its a hail Mary pass.  He went back to Sean today...told me to text him tomorrow. Tomorrow was when we were suppsoed to go ... so a text kinda stung especially when I could have done anything with him but he wanted to do it with my new found enemy.  He never said he wanted to go still....just offered an invite to text.

Are either worth all of this? the other gets to live untouched, unevening of the score. He's free to be just as bad of a person as he was a friend just not around me anymore.

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