Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler

39:12 Got my answers in Chicago...Cody Wins

I'm not kidding...I have never felt so badly treated by someone. He went sure...but that was a mistake...just as he said on the trip. 4 times. We were there for 28 hours and he was asleep for 12. We werent even together for several hours of it. So of the couple hours we had together he was able to tell me he wished he was somewhere else.
We went no where. We saw nothing. I went ahead and tried to step out of the hotel and at least see one friend and walk her dogs with her.
We had only minutes of good time together. He made me realize I didnt want this for another minute, I drove home and asked Selena to drive him home. I wasn't going to strand him but I didnt owe him another minute of my life. With that said I still love him so of course his memory is going to get more minutes than he would give me. I do still believe he wants us, but he wont treat me any better than what he thinks I'm going to treat him like...and he apparently thinks I'm a monster. Cause thats how he treated me. Maybe I'm just a fool and he really does hate me...either way I need to focus on positive energy. Always the chance that every other guy that was so bad to him was actually just in his head and this is how he's always treated people.
I never had a chance to fuck up or be the great guy. He picked everything and I felt like it was kinda designed to let me know it would be hell if I didn't do exactly what he wanted and when he wanted. I never had a chance.
Maybe someday he'll realize how cowardly he has been and how much love he tossed aside...if he doesn't I'm at least not there taking it anymore.

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