For anyone whos stuck in the wrong relationship
I think one of my best qualities and just as they often are for anyone ... weakness, is my ability in times of sadness or struggle to shrug and know its just for this moment. This too shall pass, its my choice or your choice to stay in this or to fight and try to change it.
Tonight I was talking with various friends and planning an outing but kinda tired and when one dropped out and another was iffy I figured lets just sleep. I shoulda done a better job of passing on that info to everyone but I got to have a cool conversation with one friend who showed up on time and woke me and the dogs up.
Sitting together just talking about the paths we find ourselves on I did my usual "Rev, Leffler", as I think I call it in this journal probably a decade ago where I tell people with great certainty what they need to do to be happy ... tonight I prefaced it with ... and dont look at my life or actions as examples of following these ideas. But a lot of what I found myself telling my friend was pretty relevant to hearing myself. Thanks Rev. Leffler for the perscpective.
Some musings I heard myself say...
What You'll Mourn Isn't What You Had
Are your needs being met? I cant tell you because everyone's needs are differnet. So I wont tell you if you should move on or if you shouldnt but you have to decide if what you need from a lover is what you have. Don't mistake what you know they are capable of for what you have. Newton's first law actually works with relationships too ... An object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. Meaning he may be capable of meeting your needs, and you think "if he just" ... but he isnt and likely he hasn't ... the first law suggests that and he'll continue to treat you the same until he can't.
Don't make excuses for him. Every excuse you make may be valid but it doesnt change the fact that your needs arent being met. He is doing right now what he wants to do and he isn't with you. He doesnt want to be, he may say it sometimes that he wants you but he's more likely just afraid of being alone, so he's giving you just enough to keep you around. You're filling the need he has for your relationship, which may not be a relationship as you define it.
The only way he'll learn that it isnt good enough for you, is if you move on .. its a paradox really the only thing that will fix things is the end of it. Its your contribution to his next lover, he'll know if he ignores his partners needs that they'll let go. BUT make no mistake, he'll never learn that till someone teaches him. You might be thinking well...maybe with some time apart we can get back together...but that will unteach the lesson. You'll teach him that after its all said and done youre still okay with it.
SO...if your needs arent being met you have to move on. Sure, some nights youre going to be lonely, and youll be tempted to let him back in...but you've already been there dont forget that. You're likely missing someone who never was there, your missing what you know he and you were capable of ... and now you arent capable of it. So thats sad, but what you had is what you'll get if you go back, dont mistake reality with hope.
Your Prince Is In Another Castle
BUT ... dont focus on him, and his lessons ... if you know he isnt meeting your needs the longer you spend with and on him, the longer you chose to remain in this moment and the more you push off the next one. You wont meet the right guy focusing on the wrong one. People can pick up on people who arent ready to be happy. It sounds weird but its very true. Anyone focused on the wrong relationship isnt ready to be happy. The sooner you make the choice to move on, the sooner you'll meet someone who better meets your needs.
Heres a song for you to feel better.