Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler

If All I Date Are Crazies, Whats My Crazy? Cause Thats Crazy

So a friend offered over conversation a week ago that my most recent ex was a sociopath. I was like no, and he was like youre thinking of a psychopath this is different, and in the last week I think hes right. He doesnt mean to be cruel he just doesnt see how making plans with someone and then not showing up or calling, letting days go by with no contact would make ya feel like shit. Multiple times in a row consecutively over months to him isnt anything to be upset about, he thinks I'm controlling. A lack of empathy for others.

Before that I dated a paranoid schizophrenic we had scenes out of the movies... like the time he fled the house on foot out the back because he knew that I had called the people from the mental hospital who had arrived to take him away...and it was actually the UPS man dropping off my monitor.

So I mean a clinical way. Then I realized, I must be crazy. :-) People usually see these warning flags and get the hell away I tried to move them in and build a life with them...I had to be, have to be crazy. So what do I suffer from?

Like I dont think of myself poorly and thet I dont deserve better, I know I do...I just look at them and want the best for them and I am ... The Savior Complex. Messiah Complex or Hero Complex. I want to be the guy who picks them up from the ground and right them on their course and save them.

How many homeless youths have you offered to live at your place? I know what youre wondering and no no sex. First for me was Dwayne in like 2009, he was sleeping in his car and it was Thanksgiving and we were talking and I said I have a guest room, sleep in a bed. Then the couple that I moved in and finally the Danville boy. Just think of my pets...I havent choosen any of my pets, Rob picked those cats then I decided to save them .... for 10 yrs. My current dog, Justin picked ... and the crazy dog Pipper that was attacking Winston...I didnt pick her she was left her. I want to fix and save. It sounds sweet and all but its crazy.

From some reading....

What causes a savior complex?
The compulsive need to rescue or help others is often rooted in your childhood. Researchers believe those who suffer from a savior complex or white knight syndrome are trying to fix some negative sense of themselves that arose in early life. Low self-esteem, abuse, or neglect may have contributed to this complex.

Now what sucks is that isnt a DSM diagnosis its close to delusions of grandeur and often reported in patients with bipolar disorder and schizoprenia.  So maybe I am crazy, but hey...who do you want to sit next to on a plane or a bus?  Someone who doesn't care about your feelings?  Someone who thinks you are going to hurt them?  Or someone who is looking for the chance to save  

Chciago PD once had to swarm a neighborhood because I heard a woman fighting with a man and said well if no one else is going to stop it I will....running out and then finding the guy ready to focus all his anger on me, with bystanders calling was like 45 seconds and cop cars came from 3 directions lights and sirens going up the wrong way on one way streets and I was saved.  Bite off too much ... it can get ya in trouble.

Trying to be the hero because you secretly feel the need to prove yourself, I do have to say it gets tiring after a bit and you find youve collected a circle of needy people that drain you emotionally.  That drain manifests as stress and then you have months of an allergic reaction to nothing when all ya need is to let them fight their own battles.  Maybe find someone else with the complex and then you can both just save each other? :-)

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