Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

ITS still making more sense as I make this journey

40 but I'm still learning, this conversation with an ex ....less about him, more for me cause I was realizing it then...thats my face when I grew just a bit more determined and optimistic that its out there.


specifically....
HIM
No you got josh who you also made out with and swapped nudes like you did Michael. So whoever you hire you probably have sexual history with
were we together
or did u dump me and go to someone else's
?
ME
i don't apologize for not dumping u and letting u run off to their house while waiting again.
u made that
i told ya you could move in. so that's that problem gone.....
if u don't dump me all the time
and not that it matters but no my problem or habit the same one u have but like to pretend u dont isn't an issue. i didn't get 30k I get 3k a week for the next 4 months. so if ya have to know....just about everything to not worry and work so much. but i will cause i'm just like that
and i can make more
and that isn't important but it is.
cause i'm one of these horrible guys who likes knowing my friends are gonna benefit too if they help me. i like being in a team.
i like taking care of my loved ones as best so can and I know they'll take care of me as they can and we're all happier and stronger together.
and u know that's me.
and ure supposed to be that other guy who ms life is better and easier because he makes my life better and easier.
HIM
I know you were sucking Michael that day I was over and met him the first time. I could hear through the vents.i didn’t care just cared I keep getting lied to about things I hear or things you tell me. Do I make assumptions yes but not all are far fetched
Just I need to stop texting and I’m deleting number so I will stop
ME
i wasnt … but doesnt matter
just gonna come up with someone else or something else in a few minutes…
HIM
It doesn’t you’re right. It never has and we need to realize that it maybe just I need to realize
ME
so if you want to believe it go for it…
HIM
Sorry you’ve have so many
ME
right
I dont know….I guess youd stop if I did fuck around … ?  then you could walk and not feel like youre making the biggest mistake….
ugh
I dont have too … just believe what you will.  Ive done this before and it never has ended positively
so just believe i was doing someone else while you were here….when you knew I was 110% into you. i mean…Im not now.  You eroded it away….but no I never did
cause I wanted you then
i guess you are saying that cause youre in someones bed and it makes you feel better.  that was justins MO
but doesnt matter
now
⁠Evanescence - My Immortal (Official Music Video)
while i may be listening to this song tonight…i’ll love again and Ill love them just as hard as I did you.  It wont make it any less then what I felt for you, it will just mean its not right for now anymore.
I stuck around longer than anyone else thought was healthy.  So…I tried.  just wasnt to be
like it may seem impossible to you… and I mean Dean and David are examples of what you think relationships are … but no …. I knew what I wanted, I knew that a little fun for a moment could risk everything I had planned and wanted … and it just wasn’t worth that.  People can be all in…you just dont believe it….and that doesnt deminish what I gave you … it was true and real and head over heals for you with a long term plan in my head where you were with me in everything and everywhere….so why would i blow him while u are upstairs?  I far too logical to know my passion meant more.  and you just never recognized it.  Maybe some day you will, I doubt it … cause you’ll likely show yourself over and over that … that doesnt exist.
maybe you didnt feel the  same for me…. but that still doesnt mean it doesnt exist….cause I know it did for me and it has to then with someone else out there….its taken half my life and I havent found him yet or I didnt know what I had then … but its out there and hopefully the rest of you get a chance at it.
⁠The Greatest Showman Cast - Tightrope (Official Audio)
i’m not worried i’m looking forward to falling in love again with someone who might with me.  Then like Justin who moved to louisville to be with me….or like Michael who came to Chicago …. they risked it all just to be with me.  Tightrope
and if I run into that again….bitches are gonna be so jealous of what we can do together
hope ya dont mind…Im gonna blog this shit, the next guy might be into reading it
Tags: follow you, lost, love, still breaking up
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