Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

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2:2

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH maybe this wont be a short chapter...lol. The recovery shouldnt be too hard as it isnt hard to move on from missing what you dont have. I am deleting the friends of my ex not out of disrespect but for respect. They are his...and just as mine would hold me up to being the best of two sides of any story I expect the same.
Honestly...it appears to not grab the situation by the horns and say it we lose the purpose of the actions. SO here it is...I am a strong soul...but a deeply romantic one as well. The little things are those that I cherish...the body language is the only words I pay attention too.
A month now or so I have been trying to find a place where I could find a common ground with Brian. Maybe he has done the same...I dont know...all I know is for sometime I have told him over again that I feel ignored and unwanted.
To me... I generally find that the only people who take for granted my attempts to embrace them are the ones that will miss it most and only realize my worth when I move on.
I dont ask for much...just a smile...and the feeling that I try to give...that they are important to me. AND...after not seeing them for 2 days and not being introduced to their friends at all...or invited along on their outgoing time after time suggests that I am investing time and energy into a person that wont bring happiness...just an empty feeling. Tonight my away message was " Asleep alone but for the first time no one is missing." And thats how I have and now do feel. Each night I didnt know where Brian was or what was happening and apparently I was gonna be there on a limited basis...so lets admitt that a failure has occured equally between two people and that the only thing they couldnt share to each other is Love.
To have their friends or roommate in particular dropping comments suggesting a god complex upon a guy that simply seeks to feel welcome in the life of the one he has already put above anyone else isnt helpful to the situation. Ultimately it does damage to the situation bringing ugly conflict to a situation that apparently was unavoidable between these two souls. SO...your choice is before you to help or hurt....and the history of this parting is being written as we speak.
I want someone who wants me as much as I want them. And their consistent absence and routine of forgetting that they have a boyfriend is the draw that leads us both to the end of this journey.
I never claimed to be god...just to have a testament. A story. And that continues to be the purpose of who I am.
I am joyous about the oppurtunity for Brian and I to reach the plateau in life before us which holds the goals of our relationships...unfortunately we must learn at some point in our life that Life doesnt turn as we plan...I learned that 2 years ago when I parted with the guy I dated for 3 years...and I am a better person now for realizing that life is ahead of us...and not the focus of our past.
:-) SO...lets dance with parody in the knowledge that Matt and Brian are moving towards a future and not continuing to settle for feeling they arent getting what they want.
This is not an end...could be the beginning of the friendship brian claimed we didnt have...but comments of negativeity and name calling by the influencers of our lives really don't create fertile soil for that now does it?
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