Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

9:15

The final verse of chapter nine has come. Another page is turned in life and things begin to complete their long journey. I have never had either the plans nor the means to live alone. Tonight I contradict those long standing rules.
I've noticed something of myself in these past few months. I am sadly not the unpredictable guy that I aspire to be. Sure I have a passion for life...but it seems I long for a steady constant. I hold on, no matter the point in my life I have become a creature of inchange. Unfortunately change is envitable, and the adaptation to this change is the grace of life. I have always considered myself somewhat graceful in my world's dealings, yet even the most steady hand sometimes trembles.
I survive in this world of change by holding many constants. My friends are those of seniority and time earned. Rarely does a newbie appear in my inner circle. If I allow just anyone in, how do I know they'll remain. I am able to thrive in a changing world because some aspects dont change. Friendship is one of those to me.
My life has changed, my world is moving and fluid. But still I have my foundation. I have the friendships that have weathered many years, the same home for the past 5 years, and the timeless determination that a child holds too.
In some ways I admire Arty for moving. In others I shake a finger at him. To his world may he be true, to mine may I stay true.
Anthony...you are the one that is having the hardest time with this time we are living. Be true to your world. Realize that in no way do either of us have control over a soul that is a listless seeker. We both seem to act like we've found what we look for, at least we arent on any grand trek to find anything. Arty is, may he find the urge we have to stay where he lands to build the life that is one of stability....but also of friendships with deep reaching roots. Unforunately neither of us could could tame him...or maybe it is fortunate. ????
Derrick is now in the building. I have enjoyed the movie, the drinks, the tips on jello shots and the brief time you've been here. While the romance ended years ago, its nice to think a friendship may take root. You know me well...sometimes I'd think more than me..just cause you see things that I miss...I am a person ruled by emotion, drunk with the idea that my world is one of passionate romance and old world glory...butI'm not. So I hope we can share this life, experience each others worlds and grow in the roles we have determined are the best way for our existance. Maybe the best friendship is the one that devolps from a long history of good and bad times.
Tonight ends a chapter. One that I wouldnt trade...one that I am willing to let go of. Tonight my house becomes solidly my own for the first time since I was born. Scared yes...excited yes, lonely yes, determined to find the things I want in myself....yes. Change is a foot...may I live it as much as I preach it.
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