Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

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15:22 What part don't you understand?

friends only viewable, and no comments. This is my moment to say something to my journal.

A central part to the way I operate in a relationship is to make sure my BF knows and feels he is number one. I dont allow situations to present themselves where he is put in a place where he has to ask who is the center of my love. Balancing that with the idea of our own youth and urge to tempation the notion that we can do something is allowed only works if we both act on the same understanding. You don't take time away from me to be with him. You make sure he knows that he is a trick. I dont want to see it. Not a friend...cause I personally dont want to think that someone around his and my life is fucking my boyfriend. It is okay in my mind if that person knows that I am the BF. He isnt a friend. But when he grabs all over your BF at the bar when you have turned away for a moment and you walk up and catch them in an interesting position it ticks you off. So of course you have a conversation, pointing out that it disrespects you when trick # whatever feels he can cross the line at the bar infront of your friends and YOU. Then of course your BF blows it off as if their isnt an issue....course that was the biggest straw of them all. Mindful...he is going to be more mindful.
Then your in a chat room talking to people and someone pvts you and strikes up a conversation....you cant figure out who he is but he knows you and Ron and seems friendly...so your polite and cordial. Then you ask Ron who was that who invited us to hangout and that Ron wasnt the only one invited over?? OH ITS NONE OTHER THAN THE GUY YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT IN CHECK LONG AGO!!!!
Kinda like how it took months for you to introduce me to Rick, your ex boyfriend. Our the fact that 98% of your friends have no problem expressing their dislike of me! Heck I heard how you protrayed your birthday to Rick...leaving out anything I did that I felt was showing you I cared.
So then you suggest we eat dinner and start talking about some minor issue from the night before about people crashing at your place while I am waiting for you to address the fact that this isnt a trick....it isnt behind the scenes and it isnt being handled. As usual. You see, you talking about dinner in the middle of this...still never addressing it shows me how much you respect my feelings versus dinner. Then I point out I dont give a rats ass about the food and that your trying to redirect attention even while you start acting like I am the one who is failing to hold up my end of the bargain. We go on to learn that he has kinda been around to hangout and take pictures with us during halloween...thank god I didnt know who he was at that time, I'd have stormed out of that place and ruined the night for everyone. "What do you want to know?" ISNT what I want to hear. It should be obvious I dont want to know anything....and that is the problem!!! Your playmates have no regard for us, and why should they??????your probably giving them the idea that this is okay!!!
Well it isn't. Why is it that your such a great boyfriend but you completely have failed in communication to me about many things we've already argued about....you admitt you dont telling me the whole truth.....but that isnt lieing? Then when we have an understanding and you know I dont want to know about these rare occassions you do nothing to stop them from being right smack in my face 3 times! If your going to play the game then you need to play by the rules...which you contniue to suck at.
AND ... dont you dare try to get assy with me about it. Obviously your not doing your part to avoid it so I am the one telling your flings that it is ackward, and I dont want to talk or see them!!!! It is further unnerving that you seem to think it is okay for them to carry on this way...you and him seem to think your friends! Well...I have a problem knowing your getting fucked by your friends and even if I am in the same building they'll ignore me and carry on in front of everyone! It is completely disrespectful. I used to be able to blame these things on my boyfriend's age, but you are the same age as me....so act like it! I mean jesus take some responsibility and try to avoid an arguement. This is what we call....proactive!
Is it too much to feel like you show me the same respect when I am out of the room as I feel I show you?
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