Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler

16.1 Death, Career, Home...the end nears

So an untraditional update.  A conversation....    This will be a time for me to look back and end the year 2004.  With it closes simultaneously many chapters of my real life.

Horizonmll:  hey there
Protectingpyro:  how's it going, stranger?
Horizonmll:  its  4 u?
Protectingpyro:  I'm pretty darn good.
Protectingpyro:  what are you up to?  how've you been?  what's keeping you busy?
Horizonmll:  lol....this week....been sick, uncle died, interviews, work, and week before xmas
Protectingpyro:  we're going to have to tackle those individually.  ;b
Protectingpyro:  What happened to your uncle?
Horizonmll:  lol...cancer.  
Protectingpyro:  did you know him well?
Horizonmll:  unforunately short term yes.....fortunately I did.  26 yrs....grew up with my dad....they married my mom and her kinda a second dad?
Horizonmll:  BUT...i just feel fortunately I had that for so long.  :-)  
Protectingpyro:  That's a really good way to think about it.
Protectingpyro:  You're such an adult.  ;)
Horizonmll:  well...
Horizonmll:  I just think ya have to celebrate the fact you feel the need to miss someone.  I'll miss him, I guess it helped that he was acting the same way the last week.
Horizonmll:  how was UR week?
Protectingpyro:  Hectic.  Work, wrapped up shopping, presentations, finals, dad came home from the hospital, quit my job today.
Horizonmll:  how long has he been in the hosptial?
Protectingpyro:  8.5 days.
Horizonmll:  lthat s awhile for a hospital stay
Protectingpyro:  Yep, it was heart surgery but he's fine now.  I feel like I've gotten 2 really early Christmas presents that are better than any I could have asked for: my dad's health and my freedom from a hellish job.
Horizonmll:  good requests.  :-)  hope you've been good.  I'm sure it all will work out
Protectingpyro:  lol, I think I've been really good this year.  Thanks.
Protectingpyro:  How is your work situation?
Protectingpyro:  this is your last week, right?
Horizonmll:  nahh..gave them till dec. 30.  But missed most of this week to sick/uncle so they prolly just think I am
Horizonmll:  but then admin. counselor at some college here
Protectingpyro:  lol
Horizonmll:  (until I find what I wanna do)
Protectingpyro:  What happened with that one place that was interviewing you?
Protectingpyro:  That sounds like an okay job for you.
Horizonmll:  thanksgiving came and nothing else came of it
Protectingpyro:  bastards
Horizonmll:  intimadated by hiring the guy who will one day fire them.
Horizonmll:  :-)
Protectingpyro:  lol
Horizonmll:  Assessing if I wanna stay in Louisville anyway
Protectingpyro:  What what what?
Protectingpyro:  Not stay in Louisville?
Horizonmll:  well...maybe some point I should leave my hometown?
Protectingpyro:  Ah, I see.
Protectingpyro:  Were you considering anywhere?
Horizonmll:  Nashville, Chicago...crossed my mind
Protectingpyro:  wow
Horizonmll:  Nashville would be the safe move....relatively same thing just 2 hours away.  Chicago is the drastic one
Protectingpyro:  If you're looking to spread your wings, I'd say Chicago.
Horizonmll:  it does drip with oppurtunity
Protectingpyro:  Absolutely.
Protectingpyro:  Plus, I'd be much more inclined to visit you in Chicago ;)
Horizonmll:  loll....nashville is friece 
Protectingpyro:  lol, well you would know better than me.
Horizonmll:  course....Chicago is Chicago
Protectingpyro:  Seriously!
Horizonmll:  you been there?
Horizonmll:  seriously.
Protectingpyro:  Oh, nah, but like I said, I'd be more inclined to go.
Horizonmll:  See...I think I am a Midwest Southern Boy...wanna stay somewhat close to that charm and laid back world.
Protectingpyro:  Hmm... well why is it that you want to move?  Like if a random stranger asked you, expecting no explanation.
Horizonmll:  Ever heard of Plato's Cave?:-)
Protectingpyro:  Uh... *shrug*
Horizonmll:  k....
Horizonmll:  so there is this slave and he is chained in the cave his whole life
Horizonmll:  he is happy with it
Horizonmll:  fire is the only light he sees.
Horizonmll:  then one day he is unchained and lead out
Horizonmll:  and his eyes hurt from the sun, he cant understand his reality of the world has changed.
Horizonmll:  I just wonder if I am in plato's cave
Protectingpyro:  Matt, you have so much time to settle down.
Horizonmll:  exactly.
Horizonmll:  and time is running out to be wild enough to move for the sake of moving
Protectingpyro:  ah, i see where you're heading.
Protectingpyro:  i don't know, i don't really associate moving with just "relocating."  there usually has to be some founding purpose to it in order for me to legitamize it (not that that matters to anyone but me)
Horizonmll:  right ...
Horizonmll:  I have no reason to move but simply the question of could it be better?
Protectingpyro:  I can understand that.
Protectingpyro:  But I really think Chicago would be the better candidate.  Nashville sounds like the easy option.  Chicago may be difficult but I think that it would have more to offer you.
Horizonmll:  thats the vision i see too...
Horizonmll:  Dell and Compusa are in Nashville....close, but what awaits in the city many times nashville's size.  Nashville is actually smaller than Louisville
Protectingpyro:  Are you serious?  I didn't know that.
Protectingpyro:  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Nashville is great.  You wouldn't say so if it wasn't.  But the amount of personal growth that you could achieve seems so much smaller compared to Chicago.
Horizonmll:  true....BUT also the possibility of failure is greater
Horizonmll:  but nothing worth having didnt come with a fight
Protectingpyro:  Exactly.
Protectingpyro:  I don't want to hear anymore negative talk out of you, Mr.
Horizonmll:  Not negative....just weighting the scene
Horizonmll:  :-)
Protectingpyro:  Moving to Nashville would be the equivalent of me moving to San Francisco, as opposed to LA.  It's different from where I live in many respects, I admire and appreciate what it has to offer but the difference is that I don't know what Los Angeles has to offer.
Protectingpyro:  Of course it could turn out badly but at such a transitional point in your life, why not take a chance.
Horizonmll:  true....and i think a poor ending there would still be an achievement
Protectingpyro:  Precisely!  The worst you could walk away with is an unbelievable learning experience.
Horizonmll:  I think I am gonna make our convo my live jounral
Protectingpyro:  lol, feel free.
Horizonmll:  Explains alot that I meant to say...
Protectingpyro:  My pleasure.  :)
Horizonmll:  lol:-)
Protectingpyro:  Opportunities like this and the actual desire to pursue them are rare.
Horizonmll:  right...move for yourself now before you stay for some stupid job or something ya know???  While the ties that bind can allow freedom

So off to my first "memorial" serivce tomorrow.  Bill decided since his cancer type was very rare, aggressive and poor chances of recovery he donated his body to science.  Admirable I is a glimpse into some of the influences in my life that I hope remind me to find the best way to improve the way the world is out of the end of your own.  Harder for his wife Terry who has taken the lose of a relatinship that stems from their childhood.  She needs closeure.
My Dad and Bill grew up on the same street, dad dated my mom and introduced Bill to My mom's sister Terry.  While mom and dad divorced 23 yrs or so later....Bill and Terry, last interaction I saw out of them was him holding her telling her you have to let og of what you can't control.  That was last week in his hospital bed.  Touching.  He went with dignity and left hope for others.

Isn't interesting that so few people have a life mate from childhood to death what a fairy tale I once thought was an illusion.

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