Apologies are to be expressed, no I didnt mean you can't rely on friends...but to a degree I kinda did. Friends are supporters, but to a degree you have to be guarded. I kinda was tiffed at a couple friends ... for instance you call them and express a sentence of dismay and they then tell you."Hold on for a second." and you hangup after two minutes and they call back to apologize the day after. That is an indicator that the support structure has holes. And so while you can lean on some, and you can let some lean on you...it is important to take inventory and names of those that are just the good time pals. The true colors fly full mast in times that aren't celebration but reformation.
Ronald and I hung out a tad today. I became flustered that he said.."I just wish you'd stay in Louisville." My response...."I wish you'd want me to be happy, cause I want more!" I wanna be where the people are, sure Louisville is home...but you just can't get too far here. Chicago serves in my mind as the "Gates of Open Mind"...where I can ask questions...get answers...explore while I wonder free out of Louisville...leaving fears and shame behind. Gates of Open mind is the name of a song I attribute as Chicago.
"Clear emotions guide to the gates of open mind leave the shame, peace is by your side. HEAR the voice inside. It is another day, NOTHING is the same." download it. http://qaweb.net/gates.mp3
The Allegory of the Cave !!!! Plato first came up with this idea. Which is relevant to many of our lives and at this time I take note in my life. READ THIS AND LEARN IT: Prisoners chained in a cave are unable to turn their heads. All they can see is the wall of the cave. Behind them burns a fire. Between the fire and the prisoners there is a parapet, along which puppeteers can walk. The puppeteers, who are behind the prisoners, hold up puppets that cast shadows on the wall of the cave. The prisoners are unable to see these puppets, the real objects, that pass behind them. What the prisoners see and hear are shadows and echoes cast by objects that they do not see. Such prisoners would mistake appearance for reality. They would think the things they see on the wall (the shadows) were real; they would know nothing of the real causes of the shadows.
So when the prisoners talk, what are they talking about? If an object (a book, let us say) is carried past behind them, and it casts a shadow on the wall, and a prisoner says "I see a book," what is he talking about?
He thinks he is talking about a book, but he is really talking about a shadow. But he uses the word "book."
Point being.....to me, this becoming...is to allow my reality of life to simply be a shadow of what I know to be living. Not to go to Chicago...is to not look for anything but a shadow. I know the shadow of life, the shadow of love, the shadow of success, the shadow of friends, the shadow of meaning. Some argue that I see already the reality, but are they the prisoners with me? Plato also talks about how if one prisoner questions the reality that the rest would become angry and try to support their ignorance.
Also noted as the question of whether a prisioner can make a life in the real world. That if all you ever knew was a shadow of a book, and now you find that everything you knew, everything that was real...was just a shadow. Will the free prisioner overcome the mental journey? Some freed prisioners when faced with the reality would run and return to the world they know just because it is easier to accept. I don't want to be that.
So I want to turn my head and see if I am a prisioner and if not then I'll know that the other place is the same. But not to look...is not the question.
Side note...I have an interview to create web sites and edit existing sites with...monster.com. I stopped the guy half into the convo and specifically said " Your a company that is affiliated, a company that uses monster, or monster.com.?" I said..."I am an employee of monster.com." And as if TY from trading spaces was asking me to redesign his living room I paid attention to the discussion. At 10am Friday we are meeting to discuss contracting needs.
QAWeb is almost done with that porn site. I have been swamped with porn and porn.
I am off to finish adding their cards to the shopping cart system.
Oh and some cute lines I heard in a song.." You think I am all about you, but that's just what love can do. I'd rather be picking up bottles and cans than to call you my man. I'd rather be homeless on the street, with no food to eat. I'd rather be facing twenty to life, than to be your wife." Those words held some meaning as I ponder the forces of love.