Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler
kymatt19

Welp....so of the past 3 nights I have been out at the bar all three nights. Its been a really exciting weekend I'd honestly say. I got to hangout with David pretty heavily these past couple days. Dont worry I've already been reminded not to fog the lines of friendship. We have a good history and seem to be able to figure what the other one means...but that is what comes with a strong friendship and shouldnt be mistaken for more.
And then there is this Brent loose end. :-) I havent seen him now for two weekends....( this is already the longest time I've gone with out seeing him ) and I still have another 10 or so to go. Haven't really heard from him as much as I've tried .... gotta keep in mind he is in a third world country and all. I did notice he has signed on to his myspace in the past day...but hey as long as I dont freak up and over analyze his life and the role of his exgirlfriend carla, his parents and their opinion of God I may be able to retain the sanity. I know this is supposed to be time for him to find himself and all....I just don't know how much contact I am supposed to have with him. Equally important in my mind how much contact does the otherside have? Why the sides? Cause it really his a them verses me...I don't wish they didnt exist...but they wish I don't which makes it a struggle in the least. I do very much love Brent. I am very much drunk with the feelings and emotions I have for the guy. But I as sure as I am about how I feel and how those around me are supportive. I know those around him are not and that opens many questions. Ultimately I feel like this could be THE relationship...that is as long as his external influences don't win with the smoke and mirrors effects of their religion. Anywho...One thing I have begun feeling...is that I have to start operating as if he is not in my life...simply because he isn't....and no one can say he will be back. But then if he does come back what do I do? What if I met someone else? I know he is worth waiting for....but no one wants to be stood up. I suppose only time will answer all of these questions...at least I am holding together my will to enjoy work, hangout with friends and still be seen in public.:-)
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