Matthew Leffler (kymatt19) wrote,
Matthew Leffler

Matt's Medicated Ass

So anywho I come from a long line of medicated peers in the Robins/Leffler line.  As many probably know I take Wellbutrin SR for a combination of anti-smoking, depression and social anxiety.  Seriously...:-)  Most who know me think of me as an overly confident this is almost a cover but when I am on the Wellbutrin it is a chemical bubble that allows me freedom from critics and an extra ounce of punch to my solid self image.  Increasingly we ( my family and I ) have worried I have Adult ADHD.  After a test rated me a 46 with like 12 being mild ADHD and 29 as severe ADHD we figured that maybe I should seek some medical advice regarding the possibility. I am on Concerta (second highest dose allowed) refills without a doctors visit every month.  It promises too....

  • Showed reduced opposition and defiance in their relationships with adults with respect to quarreling, acting “smart” and being uncooperative. 
    Displayed a similarly reduced incidence of fighting.   (Me acting smart??, or fighting....btw the good doctor said my broken hand is not gonna be fixable...just a conversation peice now)
    complete more math problems than they did with placebo.  I passed Algebra 2 with a D by staying after the end of school and helping the teacher...
  • improved steering abilities
  • more appropriate use of brakes   (David will like that!)
  • better reaction times
  • fewer crash incidents   ( I have totaled 3 cars )
  • Completing assigned work  ( Lets SONATA talk about it )
  • Performing work accurately
  • Remaining quiet and seated
  • Following workplace rules ( Me?  Break rules?)

    Oh and some of the side effects such as weight loss, inability to sleep and loss of apetite are gonna be welcome additions to my goal of being Matt Leffler 149#s.  Course those who work with me have noticed the minor sideeffect my Wellbutrin has added to my eye tremors for like  Only seems like that happens there.  Tremors are a major aspect of Wellbutrin.  BMI is important....unfortunately to be considered underweight I'd have to weight 129 pounds....:-)  Guess Arty beats me again

    But in further literature about the pill....( which I btw took about 1.5 hours and have found that according to the graph I was looking at I am in full fledge high mode.  Here are some interesting notes "1. It lasts about 12 hours....
    2. You can’t control the dosing to account for mealtimes; patients are not likely to feel hungry until the entire dose wears off.
    3. You can’t take a second, 12-hour dose late in the day without it affecting sleep.  Because it releases over several hours it delivers a smoother dose over about twelve hours, the peaks and valleys are not as pronounced. Since both are methylphenidate, they are often referred to as "Kiddie Cocaine."  ( FYI....I will most likely fail any drug test given now)  BUT....for a person who has hit the high...i have no desire to eat....yet I havent had lunch and it is 3:20...and I already went out side and worked in the yard, cleaned the basement and am about to set out to go jog....I have this racing feeling in me and am alittle warm but I'm wearing shorts and it is 72 degrees in this house.  When on the phone I am lapping around the kitchen.  This inital kick is probably good cause I can skip caffeine like coffee in the AM.  And when I start my night job... 6 pm to 6 am this pill should fight fatigue.   Legal cocaine....interesting spin I must say.  But...the effects and even the side effects are welcomed.

    So insight into my mind frame....I am dancing to my Rise Again song thinking that this moust be what it feels like to believe in religion.  Joy  Or then maybe it isn't my music....but the cocktail of brian chemical altering pills I take daily?  Either way...the feeling of impowerment and support is a highlight to any day.  I mean....lets point out I have my legal issues right now, I am changing jobs, I have been practically dumped from Chile by a guy that I was planning to marry in Canada....and how am I reacting????     Standing tall and dancing within my soul.  Take away my pride I will rise again.  

    Seriously.....have you ever sat down and looked at your life and thought to yourself.....I am on the edge of accomplishments that I have always dreamed to reach???  Even though you dont have the relationship status you had neccesarily sought....even though you haven't settled on an apartment....even though you haven't started that new job....all of it seems just on the horizon and in your grasp if you reach.
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